I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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