I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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