why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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