Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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