One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
