It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
