My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
