My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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