This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Michael Bay diarrhea
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
