Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
