I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
