There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
