I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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