Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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