I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
