Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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