Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
