what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
