Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
