New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
