alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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