Soap is not a condiment
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
