I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
