Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We have started to decorate penises.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
