i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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