Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
