well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
