look no pants
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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