I think I am morally bankrupt
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
