did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
