what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
