no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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