she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm at about main and main street
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
