do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
