please come you make the beer taste better
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
