The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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