It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
