i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Found your dick twin last night
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
