just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
