what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
