wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
