the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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