Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
