smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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