There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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