she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
