I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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