"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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