i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
