i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
