if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
