I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The air taste purple.
Randomize
