No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
