Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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