I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
